A Ball of Anger

“I saw my anger”. This is a comment I hope to hear from all of my clients. So it came as no surprise when I heard it from Joan.

“You don’t understand.” She continued, needing to share this powerful experience with someone who might understand. “I actually saw my anger as a ball of energy in front of my face.” Now she had my full attention.

“I recently realized that my husband was not to blame for my fears and anxiety. I blamed him so I did not have to take responsibility for my own feelings. This moment of realization enabled me to change my own thoughts and actions. I stopped blaming my husband and became truthful with myself and my children. I immediately began to speak from a place of my own needs. I felt a huge weight being lifted from me at that moment.

“Shortly thereafter, I felt this ball of energy inside my body. I focused on it trying to understand its meaning. I soon recognized it as my own anger demanding my attention. As I focused on this ball of energy, it began to move. It literally shot out of my body and settled itself in front of me - an angry swirling ball of madness. There it was - my own anger right in front of me where I was forced to look at it. It was an unsettling experience.

“My next thought was, ‘what do I do with this anger.’ And immediately I had the need to direct it at someone. It was such an enlightening moment. For the first time I actually saw my pattern of blame and what it really looked like. With this huge awakening, I was able to ask a different question, ‘why do I need to direct my anger at anyone?’

“In that moment, I allowed my anger to return to its place inside of me because truthfully it was mine to deal with. And now I understood that I could choose differently. I did not have to blame anyone for my own anger, nor did I have to choose to be angry with myself.”

The spiritual work Joan had been doing the past years came to fruition in that moment. She was ready to heal the pains of her past and come to peace with her present. She no longer needed the angry child that was protecting her all those years. She freed herself from old patterns of behavior. Joan now had the power within herself to fill the hole where anger had once been stored. I can only hope that Joan chooses to fill it with the love she has for her “self” and her family.

Joan’s story is an inspiration to me. I share it with you hoping that it inspires each one of us to feel the places within our selves where our pains are stored waiting for that moment when we too can make a different choice – a choice to love. For it is through love that we become who we came to be….