I received an email recently: “I did it. I made it through this layer.” Ellie was proud of herself; I was proud of her too. Healing can be quite challenging. Layers are much like a roller coaster. Sometimes the ride is intense, scary; other times the ride feels more like a kiddy carnival. At the very least, each layer is interesting; we certainly are interesting beings. As we face different aspects of ourself, the question becomes, is that who I want to be NOW? That was a question Ellie had to answer and this is her story:
Ellie was sure she wanted to move to Colorado. She was feeling excited about the move; until she moved. “Things have not turned out as expected,” she wrote. “I don’t know if I can do this. I feel very scared.”
On past layers, Ellie connected to her “gut” intuition. Each time she followed her intuition, it took her where she wanted to go. Yet, fear often managed to get in her way. This layer was showing Ellie exactly how fear manipulated her joy.
As the fear surfaced, Ellie’s intuition told her to “hold on; things will be sorted out.” Although she wanted to believe in herself, she felt very uncomfortable. She had been crying, yelling and feeling nauseous. She feared that everything she does ends up in pain. It was here she had an “ah-ha” moment. She remembered that each time she tried to move and start a new life, she never made it through. She left during that uncomfortable transition period.
She also realized the “uncomfortable feeling” needed to be dealt with. Was the discomfort an opportunity to make a different choice? Is it time to work through her fears instead of giving into them? Cry if you must; scream if you must; throw up if you must. Do not let fear win! Would Ellie take her power back?
I wrote to Ellie: “... you are seeing your pattern clearly, and you have a choice. You can run again and continue being afraid to try something new (although I do not believe spiritually that is what you want to do)...or you can face your fears and work through them. If you have Mimulus take a big dose to ground you into the courage to maintain the course. And then use a smaller dose of Mimulus each time the fear attempts to surface again. I think that will help you get through this.”
A short time later, Ellie wrote: “Things are going well. Right after I sent you that email, I felt a very strong reassurance, and things are now coming together. I’m enjoying myself. I have about a week left on this layer. I felt a shift and I’m thinking it’s the next layer revealing itself. This layer I worked on separating trauma & depression. I think I’ve healed the trauma. My second chakra feels completely different, and I have noticed an obvious shift. I think the depression piece is coming forward to be healed next.” I agreed with Ellie; get ready for the next ride.
Ellie’s determination to heal herself through each layer is not easy. Yet, it will ultimately get her where she wants to be... loving her life by loving her choices. As long as Ellie fears her choices, she cannot be loving them. Choose love Ellie; if we choose love, fear cannot win.