Erica knew she often felt overwhelmed in life. She also recognized she had a desire to run and hide from those she loved. Why did she keep getting on this unhappy roller coaster ride?
Most recently, Erica had a huge awakening. It took many layers to remove enough barriers and shields to clearly witness how all this energy played out. On her last layer, she watched the process unfold before her, and this is what she saw:
“It all begins with a fear of not getting my needs met. Fear then turns to feeling overwhelmed. Both of these energies have been clear to me for quite some time.
“Recently, I watched how fear and overwhelm together took me straight to disappointment. I become disappointed with the other person, blaming them for not meeting my needs, although I never expressed what my needs were. Shouldn’t they know?
“Within moments, fight and flight took over, protecting my space with anger toward the other person for not meeting my needs; and then I felt entitled to blame that person for the whole process, feeling justified to push them away.
“Finally, I ended up sad and alone. Which is not where I wanted to be at all. And yet there I was over and over again.”
The good news is that Erica’s last layer allowed her to stop when she felt the disappointment emerge. Instead of taking the next step toward blaming them, she took a breath and grounded herself. That one moment allowed her the space to express her needs clearly. Luckily, Erica had a partner who was willing to listen and responded appropriately once he knew what her needs were.
Erica was learning a new way of being; a new path to experience her true self. She realized that her old behaviors were directly related to her upbringing. When she was younger, she was not allowed to be upset or angry; her parents could not handle that behavior. Instead she allowed her anger to overwhelm her. In that state, she was unable to ask for what she needed. Erica had become her anger.
“I couldn’t trust that I could get what I needed from someone else; so the only solution was to push away those I love, then blame them for my anger so I could be alone. Being alone was the only place I felt safe.”
Although these behaviors were ingrained, they never really worked. The goal now is for Erica to create a new memory cell where she will no longer need her fight and flight behavior to feel safe; she will feel safe expressing her truth.
Expressing one’s truth should be the easy path, and yet for most of us, it is the most difficult one. However, the more we practice truth, the easier truth becomes. And since truth takes us to love, Erica will soon learn to love her choices. And as we are all learning together, love really does heal all.