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Healing The "I Can't Stand Anyone" Anger

Water Violet is a flower essence used to heal the anger associated with wanting to be left alone or more appropriately put, the anger tied to“I can’t stand any of you”.  Aloof, proud, disdainful and condescending are some of the words used to describe the Water Violet personality type. 

At the end of Sarah’s “water violet” layer, she admitted, “I didn’t see the energy of Water Violet in me at all. I don’t understand why I took it on this layer.” I've worked long enough to know that flower essences work in mysterious ways. It was time for Sarah to find that something in herself that Water Violet was attempting to reveal.

What Sarah did recognize on this layer was how dysfunctional her friendships had become. "Why do I have a need to be involved in dysfunctional relationships?" She admitted she didn’t have a lot of friends to choose from; hence.. were they better than nothing? Yet she still questioned, "How does Water Violet relate to me?" As we talked about her experiences through the layer, I asked if she recognized Water Violet anger in the friends she deems dysfunctional. “Yes,” she admitted. “That sounds more like them than me!”

It was time to find the Water Violet in Sarah. We spoke further. She admitted that once she hangs up from her telephone conversations with her dysfunctional friends, a deep anger emerges within herself. Through this anger, she has a need to call another friend to let out the steam. There it is .. water violet anger at its finest - I can’t stand any of them!

My next question was, “Why are you so attached to their dysfunctions?” As long as Sarah is frustrated with THEIR issues, does she avoid dealing with her own issues? Does she use frustration to hide her pain?  “Exactly what is the pain you are avoiding?”

Sarah realized the pain she is avoiding is tied to feeling unloved and alone. Her Water Violet anger toward her friend's dysfunctional behaviors hides her loneliness. To heal, Sarah will have to detach from their pains so she can feel her own. This is the path to healing.

Its healthy to guide and support our friends through their pain; its unhealthy to be mad because they are in pain. This “ah-ha” moment has the ability to help Sarah redirect her anger away from them, and begin focussing on loving herself.

The next time Sarah feels her frustration emerge will be an opportunity to heal herself. This is the moment she can consciously choose to change her own patterns. Will she be able to avoid the need to vent her anger? Will she honor her anger and choose to do something that stimulates her own joy? One day, Sarah just may remember that joy is so much more fun than anger.

Healing Childhood Trauma with Courage

Jane’s background is not as uncommon as one would think. Her family life was abusive, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. “I grew up with what many would call a harsh and cruel father and a disconnected mother. My father would embarrass and humiliate me and my mother allowed it.”
Because of her upbringing, everything in Jane’s life felt traumatic. She lived in a constant state of anxiety. “What I thought was fear and shyness was actually embarrassment and humiliation. Although I did not realize it at the time, embarrassment and humiliation kept me from trying new things, meeting new people and going to places that were unfamiliar. This is not to say I didn't do some of these things; however, if I did I felt an enormous amount of anxiety. I learned to avoid what I could. I feared looking stupid, messing up, being laughed at.”

For years Jane dug through her fears. What she kept coming back to was a profound truth that the way to heal her old trauma was through courage.. the courage to be who she really was. Who was that? 

Because of her childhood trauma, Jane lost herself and became a follower. Following felt easy, less traumatic. Her layers, however, consistently guided Jane toward her leadership qualities. Fear kept her from getting there. 

Fast forward to her adult life, and anything that remotely resembled humiliation or embarrassment stimulated Jane’s old trauma. Jane never learned how to cope with her childhood abuse. She ran and hid as a child; she did the same as an adult. She understood that most of the time running and hiding made no sense, yet she had not put the pieces together and had no control over her reaction.

Most recently, Jane had a huge breakthrough. She recognized that all her trauma and anxiety was attached to the humiliation and embarrassment she experienced as a child. This time, however, instead of running and hiding, Jane kept working this energy. Her next step was to learn how to deal differently, with courage. 

As with all old patterns, when we are ready, life will present opportunities to heal ourself. Jane began to have experiences that showed her a new way of being. When embarrassment or humiliation reared its head, Jane used all her courage to face the situation and deal with it.. in a healthy way. Each experience allowed Jane to grow stronger and more confident. And within a short time, Jane knew she was healing the pains from her childhood.

“Once I understood the connections, I imagined that there was going to be one big event that was going to bring me from 0% courage to 100% courage, like a battle of wills. However, that is not what happened. The shifts occurred in stages. Little things started to change, and I felt myself slowly gaining courage with these little changes. As I gained my inner courage, I was able to verbalize how I felt without my cheeks turning red. I started to make decisions that I knew were right for my family without having to get approval first; it felt great. I started requiring my children to listen better; I'm the Mom and I deserve respect. Things started going more smoothly and peacefully at home. Now I feel so much better, I am happier and stronger and more quietly courageous than ever. What a wonderful feeling to finally be free from embarrassment and humiliation. I am looking forward to finally trying something new for myself that I've always wanted to...maybe learning how to dance!”

As Jane so eloquently voiced, “Courage is not loud, it does not scream or fight; courage is not aggressive or confrontational. Courage is a quiet strength from within...”

I Am Not Responsible for Everyone's Happiness

As my most recent layer unfolded, it become clear that I have this underlying belief that I am responsible for everyone’s happiness. Its not like its an elephant in the room. I’ve cleared all the elephants. Its more of a subtle reaction to life’s simple moments. 

Its the Wednesday before Christmas. I arrive at Whole Foods early in the morning. I’m ready to shop until I have everything I need. I am determined to make this my final pre-Christmas trip to the grocery store. A few hours later, my Mom needs a ride to the market. I’m on Mom duty. No problem. By the time I arrive back home late in the afternoon, I am exhausted. I have no desire to see another grocery store shelf.

In walks Bill. “Did you get stuffing?” Its the one question he asks of me. I’m amazed because I forgot the stuffing. How did he know?

My mind begins to race. I feel the anxiety surface. Stuffing? I’m instantly aware of this creepy crawly feeling that tells me its my responsibility to ensure Bill gets his stuffing. From anxiety to responsibility, anger begins to surface. “I didn’t get the stuffing, and I’m not going to get the stuffing. I’m done with shopping.” Why do I have to be mad about it?

A few moments later, I have this “ah-ha” moment. The “stuffing scene” plays out in my head, and I am able to clearly see all the emotions I use to protect myself from my "I am responsible" feeling. The truth is, I don’t want to be responsible for everyone’s happiness (in this case stuffing). Now that I have this information, what do I do with it? How do I change me?  Luckily, I’ve done more than enough work to know that the truth will set me free.

I approach Bill with a different attitude. “I handled the stuffing situation very badly. I apologize. You want stuffing; you should have stuffing. I want stuffing too. What I don’t want is to have to go to the market to get it, nor do I want to make it. My list is already way too long. Why don’t you take charge and get what you need and make it yourself?” 

His reply was simple, “Okay.” 

That is how I began changing my “I am responsible for everyone’s happiness” pattern. I owned that which was mine, which freed me of the anxiety my responsible nature created; Bill was happy to take care of himself. It was a win/win situation. 

I look forward to the next opportunity to shift this old energy pattern. I have no doubt it will be shown again and again until I can bypass the anxiety and get right to the truth. Bring it on.

P.S. The stuffing was the most delicious part of the meal. 

Healing the Pain of Abuse, Fear, Anger and Depression

Mark began his session with, “I had a deja vu moment on this layer.”  What did he mean? 

For the past three years, Mark has been working to heal anger and depression from old wounds attached to mental and emotional family abuse. Both parents were quite mean to Mark as a little boy. Now as a man, he felt victimized at work, attracting abusive customers and supervisors. There was always someone doing something to Mark to stimulate his pain.

Slowly, throughout the years, Mark was learning to be responsible for his own angers. I would see gentle shifts with each layer, sometimes too gentle for Mark to recognize himself. This layer was different. Mark could see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is Mark’s story:

“At a recent work seminar, I asked my supervisor what I felt was a relevant question. The supervisor’s reaction shocked me. The supervisor became extremely angry toward me for asking a simple question. It felt exaggerated and uncalled for. And then, a memory within me surfaced. I remembered this very same scenario playing out in grammar school years ago. I had asked my grammar school teacher a simple question, and the teacher reacted the very same way as this supervisor.  It really was a deja vu moment.”

“How did you handle the situation?” I asked. 

“I was able to see his behavior as an opportunity to heal myself.  Instead of going inward with fear, which would be my normal behavior, I continued to ask appropriate questions.”

In the not so distant past, this very same situation would have sparked a deep fear in Mark that would have led him directly to depression. The anger from another would have become absorbed into his cells. He then could call on this anger to protective himself during a fearful situation. Mark was getting healthy enough to begin changing the old programming, which by the way goes well beyond both of these situations. It goes back to the way his family responded to him when he was a little boy. It was a very unhealthy way to go through life.

Mark was proud of his new way of reacting. I was proud of Mark. As Mark continues to heal his fear, anger, depression and abuse issues, he is attracting healthier relationships. Mark is learning the true essence of healing.. loving his own choices. And as we all are learning, love really does heal all.

Using Anxiety to Heal Guilt...

Two weeks after returning from a three-month holiday in the Caribbean, I found myself back to the reality of being a Gma who was needed by many. The push and pull of other’s needs can play havoc on our happiness. Guilt has a way of making its way in and before we know it, we wonder if we are choosing what we WANT to do (freedom) or what we feel we HAVE to do (guilt). There is a huge difference between the two. One is healthy.. the other not so healthy.

“Mom, Wendy has to work full time all week. Can you watch the kids?” What this means in real terms is that I will be babysitting Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for Ayla and Wes; Friday for Connor and Avery; and on Saturday I’ll be sponsoring my annual Easter Egg Hunt. That’s a full week of babies, leaving very little time for myself! 

Stress and anxiety surfaced almost immediately; exhaustion was in line behind them. Eventually this energy could turn into resenting the whole situation, which would not make me (or anyone else for that matter) happy at all. By recognizing what I was about to do, I was able to choose differently. I spoke to myself and my emotions. “Exactly what is it that I’m stressed and anxious about?”

Once I asked the question, the truth quickly revealed itself, “I’m stressed over the 40 minute drive back and forth, morning and night. That feels exhausting!” Now that I understood the problem, what is the solution?

I picked up the phone. “Okay, Josh, I’ll do it. However, I have one condition. Tell Ayla and Wes that Gma is coming for a sleep over.”  

I packed my bags and moved myself into my private room at Ayla and Wes’ house. What a fun three days we had together. Something special happens when Gma shows up for a sleep over anxiety and stress free. Happy and free replaced guilt and resentment.

Anxiety is our spirit’s way of letting us know we have a problem. Healing can be as simple as taking a moment to understand our attachments. For every problem there is a solution. My solution was to love the choice I ultimately made.. and love really does heal all.

Apis for Healing Bites and Stings

Like heals like; that is the basic premise of homeopathy. So in homeopathy, using Bee Venom to help heal a poisonous bite makes sense. Red, itchy, raised and stinging are many of the symptoms Apis may help heal.

Recently, I experienced a mosquito bite that became inflamed, raised and itchy. I sat for a while rubbing and scratching until it dawned on me that this might be a good use for Apis. I never leave home without certain homeopathic remedies; Apis is one of them. 

I’ve used Apis in the past for wasp stings, bee stings and spider bites. Why not a mosquito bite? My bug bite resembled all the symptoms Apis is known to help heal - raised, itchy and red (see picture below). 

After my first dose of Apis, I waited an hour or so and took a second dose. An hour after the second dose, my bug bite changed dramatically (see picture below). The inflammation had decreased, the welt was now a tiny speck and the itching was non-existent. By night's end, I hardly remembered I had a bite at all.

(Here's another little tidbit. If later in the day or the following day, your bug bite speaks to you again, try taking one more pellet. It just might need an additional push to heal it fully.) 

We have been given many options to heal. I choose homeopathy as one of my options. It has the potential to work magic; and if you know me at all, you know I love magic.

Healing the Winter Cold

Its cold; its warm. Our bodies are confused. The holidays arrive. Emotions get sparked. Bacteria and viruses awaken, and before we know it, our throat feels.. well, irritated. Within a day or two, the sinuses hurt, the eyes water, the cough takes over. The body is working to discharge the virus or bacteria you have allowed into your system.

What’s most important to heal is that NO ONE GAVE THIS TO YOU. You allowed it in. Blame will only aggravate an already aggravated system.  How do you allow it in? By forgetting for a moment who you really are. By the symptoms, you most likely allowed yourself to get caught in one or more of the following emotions:
  • Victim
  • Blame
  • Bitterness
  • Resentment
  • Irritation
Who did you become?

Once we allow the illness in, how can we begin healing our self? Immediately is always best. Your body is screaming for attention; give it loving attention NOW, and a medicine cabinet filled with healing tools can help you do just that. 

Flower essences can help the process depending upon where the energy is revealing itself:
Beech for irritated throat support
Willow for mucus membrane support
Holly for heart and lung support
Mimulus - for anxiety and fear support (if you tend to go right to fear over illness)

Lymphatic massage can be very helpful. You can see how to do that here:

Lymphatic massage can show you where your system has become clogged. As you massage your lymphatic system, pay attention to where the pain is revealed. Is there pain along the jaw line, the muscles in the back of the neck, along the shoulder blades, above or below the eyes? See if you can find the glitch and send loving, gentle massage energy to it. Help move this stuck energy through the lymphatic system.

Sinus irrigation can also help to open up the passageway for easier breathing. You can see how to do that here:

I prefer to use a plastic syringe to a Neti pot for sinus irrigation. Use whatever works best for you.

Organic lemon juice in pure spring water helps supports the immune system and bring the body back into a pH balance all in one handy drink. How easy is that? 

Immune support helps to let your body know you are loving yourself. Some of my favorites are:
Oregano Oil - I just tried this for the first time and it really works. It might be worth the investment.
Organic Raw Local Honey
Bioplasma cell salts

Probiotics are essential as mucus membrane issues easily turn into yeast in that warm and moist environment. Yeasty foods should also be avoided as much as possible so as not to feed the yeast. You can remember them here:

Homeopathic remedies can help support the system to heal.
For flu like symptoms, I trust a homeopathic remedy called Gelsimium
For coughs and colds, you may want to pick from this group that sounds most like the symptoms you are experiencing:

Oil pulling using organic coconut oil helps to release toxins in the mucus membranes. You can see how to do that here:

Make sure you drink lots of pure spring water to help flush toxins from the system. Rest, sleep, relax. Stop feeling guilty about being ill. Your body is releasing old stuff that you are ready to get rid of. Allow it to go. And love that you did!

These are just a few tips to begin your healing process. When the body speaks, listen. And as you listen, forgive. Forgiveness takes us to love and love really does heal all! :)