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Appointments in Danielson and N Stonington and via Skype and telephone - 1/2 hour session $30.00 US.

I Am Not Responsible for Everyone's Happiness

As my most recent layer unfolded, it become clear that I have this underlying belief that I am responsible for everyone’s happiness. Its not like its an elephant in the room. I’ve cleared all the elephants. Its more of a subtle reaction to life’s simple moments. 

Its the Wednesday before Christmas. I arrive at Whole Foods early in the morning. I’m ready to shop until I have everything I need. I am determined to make this my final pre-Christmas trip to the grocery store. A few hours later, my Mom needs a ride to the market. I’m on Mom duty. No problem. By the time I arrive back home late in the afternoon, I am exhausted. I have no desire to see another grocery store shelf.

In walks Bill. “Did you get stuffing?” Its the one question he asks of me. I’m amazed because I forgot the stuffing. How did he know?

My mind begins to race. I feel the anxiety surface. Stuffing? I’m instantly aware of this creepy crawly feeling that tells me its my responsibility to ensure Bill gets his stuffing. From anxiety to responsibility, anger begins to surface. “I didn’t get the stuffing, and I’m not going to get the stuffing. I’m done with shopping.” Why do I have to be mad about it?

A few moments later, I have this “ah-ha” moment. The “stuffing scene” plays out in my head, and I am able to clearly see all the emotions I use to protect myself from my "I am responsible" feeling. The truth is, I don’t want to be responsible for everyone’s happiness (in this case stuffing). Now that I have this information, what do I do with it? How do I change me?  Luckily, I’ve done more than enough work to know that the truth will set me free.

I approach Bill with a different attitude. “I handled the stuffing situation very badly. I apologize. You want stuffing; you should have stuffing. I want stuffing too. What I don’t want is to have to go to the market to get it, nor do I want to make it. My list is already way too long. Why don’t you take charge and get what you need and make it yourself?” 

His reply was simple, “Okay.” 

That is how I began changing my “I am responsible for everyone’s happiness” pattern. I owned that which was mine, which freed me of the anxiety my responsible nature created; Bill was happy to take care of himself. It was a win/win situation. 

I look forward to the next opportunity to shift this old energy pattern. I have no doubt it will be shown again and again until I can bypass the anxiety and get right to the truth. Bring it on.

P.S. The stuffing was the most delicious part of the meal. 

Healing the Pain of Abuse, Fear, Anger and Depression

Mark began his session with, “I had a deja vu moment on this layer.”  What did he mean? 

For the past three years, Mark has been working to heal anger and depression from old wounds attached to mental and emotional family abuse. Both parents were quite mean to Mark as a little boy. Now as a man, he felt victimized at work, attracting abusive customers and supervisors. There was always someone doing something to Mark to stimulate his pain.

Slowly, throughout the years, Mark was learning to be responsible for his own angers. I would see gentle shifts with each layer, sometimes too gentle for Mark to recognize himself. This layer was different. Mark could see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is Mark’s story:

“At a recent work seminar, I asked my supervisor what I felt was a relevant question. The supervisor’s reaction shocked me. The supervisor became extremely angry toward me for asking a simple question. It felt exaggerated and uncalled for. And then, a memory within me surfaced. I remembered this very same scenario playing out in grammar school years ago. I had asked my grammar school teacher a simple question, and the teacher reacted the very same way as this supervisor.  It really was a deja vu moment.”

“How did you handle the situation?” I asked. 

“I was able to see his behavior as an opportunity to heal myself.  Instead of going inward with fear, which would be my normal behavior, I continued to ask appropriate questions.”

In the not so distant past, this very same situation would have sparked a deep fear in Mark that would have led him directly to depression. The anger from another would have become absorbed into his cells. He then could call on this anger to protective himself during a fearful situation. Mark was getting healthy enough to begin changing the old programming, which by the way goes well beyond both of these situations. It goes back to the way his family responded to him when he was a little boy. It was a very unhealthy way to go through life.

Mark was proud of his new way of reacting. I was proud of Mark. As Mark continues to heal his fear, anger, depression and abuse issues, he is attracting healthier relationships. Mark is learning the true essence of healing.. loving his own choices. And as we all are learning, love really does heal all.

Using Anxiety to Heal Guilt...

Two weeks after returning from a three-month holiday in the Caribbean, I found myself back to the reality of being a Gma who was needed by many. The push and pull of other’s needs can play havoc on our happiness. Guilt has a way of making its way in and before we know it, we wonder if we are choosing what we WANT to do (freedom) or what we feel we HAVE to do (guilt). There is a huge difference between the two. One is healthy.. the other not so healthy.

“Mom, Wendy has to work full time all week. Can you watch the kids?” What this means in real terms is that I will be babysitting Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for Ayla and Wes; Friday for Connor and Avery; and on Saturday I’ll be sponsoring my annual Easter Egg Hunt. That’s a full week of babies, leaving very little time for myself! 

Stress and anxiety surfaced almost immediately; exhaustion was in line behind them. Eventually this energy could turn into resenting the whole situation, which would not make me (or anyone else for that matter) happy at all. By recognizing what I was about to do, I was able to choose differently. I spoke to myself and my emotions. “Exactly what is it that I’m stressed and anxious about?”

Once I asked the question, the truth quickly revealed itself, “I’m stressed over the 40 minute drive back and forth, morning and night. That feels exhausting!” Now that I understood the problem, what is the solution?

I picked up the phone. “Okay, Josh, I’ll do it. However, I have one condition. Tell Ayla and Wes that Gma is coming for a sleep over.”  

I packed my bags and moved myself into my private room at Ayla and Wes’ house. What a fun three days we had together. Something special happens when Gma shows up for a sleep over anxiety and stress free. Happy and free replaced guilt and resentment.

Anxiety is our spirit’s way of letting us know we have a problem. Healing can be as simple as taking a moment to understand our attachments. For every problem there is a solution. My solution was to love the choice I ultimately made.. and love really does heal all.

Apis for Healing Bites and Stings

Like heals like; that is the basic premise of homeopathy. So in homeopathy, using Bee Venom to help heal a poisonous bite makes sense. Red, itchy, raised and stinging are many of the symptoms Apis may help heal.

Recently, I experienced a mosquito bite that became inflamed, raised and itchy. I sat for a while rubbing and scratching until it dawned on me that this might be a good use for Apis. I never leave home without certain homeopathic remedies; Apis is one of them. 

I’ve used Apis in the past for wasp stings, bee stings and spider bites. Why not a mosquito bite? My bug bite resembled all the symptoms Apis is known to help heal - raised, itchy and red (see picture below). 

After my first dose of Apis, I waited an hour or so and took a second dose. An hour after the second dose, my bug bite changed dramatically (see picture below). The inflammation had decreased, the welt was now a tiny speck and the itching was non-existent. By night's end, I hardly remembered I had a bite at all.

(Here's another little tidbit. If later in the day or the following day, your bug bite speaks to you again, try taking one more pellet. It just might need an additional push to heal it fully.) 

We have been given many options to heal. I choose homeopathy as one of my options. It has the potential to work magic; and if you know me at all, you know I love magic.

Healing the Winter Cold

Its cold; its warm. Our bodies are confused. The holidays arrive. Emotions get sparked. Bacteria and viruses awaken, and before we know it, our throat feels.. well, irritated. Within a day or two, the sinuses hurt, the eyes water, the cough takes over. The body is working to discharge the virus or bacteria you have allowed into your system.

What’s most important to heal is that NO ONE GAVE THIS TO YOU. You allowed it in. Blame will only aggravate an already aggravated system.  How do you allow it in? By forgetting for a moment who you really are. By the symptoms, you most likely allowed yourself to get caught in one or more of the following emotions:
  • Victim
  • Blame
  • Bitterness
  • Resentment
  • Irritation
Who did you become?

Once we allow the illness in, how can we begin healing our self? Immediately is always best. Your body is screaming for attention; give it loving attention NOW, and a medicine cabinet filled with healing tools can help you do just that. 

Flower essences can help the process depending upon where the energy is revealing itself:
Beech for irritated throat support
Willow for mucus membrane support
Holly for heart and lung support
Mimulus - for anxiety and fear support (if you tend to go right to fear over illness)

Lymphatic massage can be very helpful. You can see how to do that here:

Lymphatic massage can show you where your system has become clogged. As you massage your lymphatic system, pay attention to where the pain is revealed. Is there pain along the jaw line, the muscles in the back of the neck, along the shoulder blades, above or below the eyes? See if you can find the glitch and send loving, gentle massage energy to it. Help move this stuck energy through the lymphatic system.

Sinus irrigation can also help to open up the passageway for easier breathing. You can see how to do that here:

I prefer to use a plastic syringe to a Neti pot for sinus irrigation. Use whatever works best for you.

Organic lemon juice in pure spring water helps supports the immune system and bring the body back into a pH balance all in one handy drink. How easy is that? 

Immune support helps to let your body know you are loving yourself. Some of my favorites are:
Oregano Oil - I just tried this for the first time and it really works. It might be worth the investment.
Organic Raw Local Honey
Bioplasma cell salts

Probiotics are essential as mucus membrane issues easily turn into yeast in that warm and moist environment. Yeasty foods should also be avoided as much as possible so as not to feed the yeast. You can remember them here:

Homeopathic remedies can help support the system to heal.
For flu like symptoms, I trust a homeopathic remedy called Gelsimium
For coughs and colds, you may want to pick from this group that sounds most like the symptoms you are experiencing:

Oil pulling using organic coconut oil helps to release toxins in the mucus membranes. You can see how to do that here:

Make sure you drink lots of pure spring water to help flush toxins from the system. Rest, sleep, relax. Stop feeling guilty about being ill. Your body is releasing old stuff that you are ready to get rid of. Allow it to go. And love that you did!

These are just a few tips to begin your healing process. When the body speaks, listen. And as you listen, forgive. Forgiveness takes us to love and love really does heal all! :)

Moving Guilt Out of the Way

Do you sometimes hear a voice in your head that says, “You can’t do that; you HAVE to do this!”  As powerful as that voice is, is it the truth? 

Healing is a journey back to the truth; and the truth is: “We don’t HAVE to do anything; we are choosing every step we take.” Truth is the doorway to loving our choices, and love stimulates our ability to heal. So what keeps us from going where we really want to go? Guilt. 

Guilt is attached to the energy of “I have to.” Guilt is immobilizing. However, if we recognize these voices as an opportunity to detach from guilt, we may be able to free ourselves by moving guilt out of the way. 

Our lives are full of opportunities to heal. These moments allow us to take that spiritual leap we’ve been asking for. I recently had one of those “ah-ha” moments; and although it may seem insignificant on its face value, it was actually a major shift in my own reality. This is my story:

On the final week of our 3-week Italian adventure, we headed south to warmer weather. We ended up in a little village called Talamone on the Mediterranean coast. When we were making this decision, I felt compelled to choose this area. I had no idea why. I knew nothing about it.

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I LOVE the ocean. However, the moment we arrived in Talamone, I felt an uncertainty about my choice. There was a feeling that haunted my joy. Had I made a wrong decision? 

Healing teaches us there are no wrong decisions; there are only experiences with which to learn and grow. I was about to have a powerful learning experience. Of course, I did not recognize it in that very moment. To get to the healing part, I first had to feel and express the energy of: “I am not happy.”

Bill wondered how I could say such a thing. “We haven’t had time to experience the area. How can you know you’re not happy?” There was this eery feeling to the area that I could not explain. 

It did not take long to realize that the area around Talamone was seasonal. Most of the shops and restaurants closed in October. The energy resembled a ghost town. I now understood my eerie feeling. I missed the bustling energy of the hillside villages.

Bill suggested that we go to the beach in the morning and see if my feelings changed. I agreed. Our beach day was fun. It was warm enough to walk barefoot in the sand and sea. We searched for sea shells along the shore. It was a very good day. Still, my uneasiness persisted.

Talamone was an hours ride west to the little hillside village of Pitigliano. My heart was already there. “I want to go to Pitigliano tomorrow.” Bill was happy to oblige my request. We were up and ready early the next morning. The moment we arrived, I felt home. My spirit wanted more; yet, my programming was stuck in the “I HAVE to” mode. The voice in my head constantly reminded me that our apartment in Talamone was paid for and what you pay for you HAVE to use. Wasting money is not an option. 

I was quite aware of my old way of thinking. I was shown glimpses of it prior to our trip, and here it was front and center. What I chose to do with it would determine my ability to heal this ancient belief or continue my old patterns.

After a wonderful day in Pitgliano, we headed back to Talamone. Again, I felt this pang of despair. “I want to stay in Pitigliano.” I could not help but speak my truth in spite of the guilt attached to it. 

Bill had another suggestion: “Let’s rent a room in Pitigliano for a night.” My mind was confused. Can we do that?

By now, the voice in my head was screaming : ”You already paid for the apartment you have. You can’t book another room. That’s wasting money.” Whose voice did that belong to? Wherever it came from originally, it now belonged to me. It was time to own it as mine so I could begin to change it. Could I allow myself a night in Pitigliano guilt free?

At that moment, I realized this experience was perfectly designed for my next step in healing. It was time to shift that old paradigm into, “I am free to do what makes me happy now.” I bypassed the guilt and booked a hotel in Pitigliano.

Friday morning, we packed a small bag and began our vacation within our vacation. I felt free and content. I knew I was given this experience as an opportunity to allow myself to heal old guilt. I immediately realized I was loving this new choice. Changing my mind was an important step to healing myself.

We never know why we are presented with an experience until we allow ourself to go through it. What I do know is that each experience is an opportunity to take us a little closer to who we really are.. free beings choosing what makes us happy in life. It is my life after all! :)

How to Quit Smoking in Two Painful Weeks...

Jim’s journey to quit smoking is quite powerful in that he did what many feel they cannot do; he took the time to heal himself. Healing takes time (as well as patience and energy), yet we are taught to be very impatient with healing. We are taught that all we have to do is take a pill and we will be better. This is a lie we have told ourselves for so long, many actually believe it. Its not that medicines cannot support the healing process; pills, however, do not do the healing. Healing comes from within each one of us, with every thought we think, word we speak and action we do. 

If the health of our body does not takes precedence over anything else we do in life, then where have we placed our priorities? Health is the same energy as happy and visa versa. If only we could remember this truth. Anything we put before our health will never create happiness. Maybe that is why so many are so unhappy.

Jim remembered his truth and willingly shares his wonderful story with all of us. I find it fascinating that he started smoking later in life and more fascinating that he equates the possibility for his smoking and coffee drinking on the rigid lifestyle he experienced. Restriction or rigidity was not a healthy choice for Jim; however, his ability to put his need for his health before anything else is a testament to who he now chooses to be.

Jim’s healing story follows:

“I started smoking tobacco at age 33. I worked at Erewhon, the macrobiotic company located in Boston. I lived in one of the company's "study houses" and consumed a macrobiotic diet. I started to drink coffee and to smoke cigarettes perhaps as a result of the 70% portion of the diet consisting of cooked grain with the remainder coming from cooked vegetables, sea weed, and sometimes a baked fruit for desert.  

I smoked fine unfiltered Turkish cigarettes and drank rich coffee at the Coffee Connection (forerunner to Starbucks). Previously, I had practiced neither habit.

I tried many times to quit smoking on my own by:
  • restricting the number of cigarettes that I purchased
  • total abstinence 
  • restricting the number smoked each day 
  • substituting herbal cigarettes
  • "cold turkey"
  • filtered cigarettes 
I may have tried other methods of which I have forgotten the specific details. I did not try hypnoses, although I did try it later for other reasons. Finally, my fiancĂ© asked me to quit as I was a male and more likely to die before her anyway so I should not hasten my demise by smoking.

Consequently, I suspended work and stayed home for two weeks. I went ‘cold turkey.’ I remember coughing nearly continuously for what seemed 10 to 14 days and nights with only scant minutes in between for rest. It was a good thing I wasn't required to work or be in public. I was able to eat moderate amounts of food and drink water.

“At the end of the ‘two painful weeks,’ I felt free of the compulsion to smoke tobacco. Six months later, I ‘tested’ myself (perhaps foolishly).  I accepted a cigarette from a friend at the baseball arena in Rhode Island.  I didn't feel compelled to smoke, it was a social gesture on my part. I did not desire a smoke.

“A few months later, I smoked on stage at an audition for a Humphrey Bogart role. Again, I felt no desire for tobacco.

“I thankfully am clear of the terrible need for the smoking stimulation and remain smoke free today. The two painful weeks worked!”