My photo
Appointments in Danielson and N Stonington and via Skype and telephone - 1/2 hour session $30.00 US.

I Am Not Responsible for Everyone's Happiness

As my most recent layer unfolded, it become clear that I have this underlying belief that I am responsible for everyone’s happiness. Its not like its an elephant in the room. I’ve cleared all the elephants. Its more of a subtle reaction to life’s simple moments. 

Its the Wednesday before Christmas. I arrive at Whole Foods early in the morning. I’m ready to shop until I have everything I need. I am determined to make this my final pre-Christmas trip to the grocery store. A few hours later, my Mom needs a ride to the market. I’m on Mom duty. No problem. By the time I arrive back home late in the afternoon, I am exhausted. I have no desire to see another grocery store shelf.

In walks Bill. “Did you get stuffing?” Its the one question he asks of me. I’m amazed because I forgot the stuffing. How did he know?

My mind begins to race. I feel the anxiety surface. Stuffing? I’m instantly aware of this creepy crawly feeling that tells me its my responsibility to ensure Bill gets his stuffing. From anxiety to responsibility, anger begins to surface. “I didn’t get the stuffing, and I’m not going to get the stuffing. I’m done with shopping.” Why do I have to be mad about it?

A few moments later, I have this “ah-ha” moment. The “stuffing scene” plays out in my head, and I am able to clearly see all the emotions I use to protect myself from my "I am responsible" feeling. The truth is, I don’t want to be responsible for everyone’s happiness (in this case stuffing). Now that I have this information, what do I do with it? How do I change me?  Luckily, I’ve done more than enough work to know that the truth will set me free.

I approach Bill with a different attitude. “I handled the stuffing situation very badly. I apologize. You want stuffing; you should have stuffing. I want stuffing too. What I don’t want is to have to go to the market to get it, nor do I want to make it. My list is already way too long. Why don’t you take charge and get what you need and make it yourself?” 

His reply was simple, “Okay.” 

That is how I began changing my “I am responsible for everyone’s happiness” pattern. I owned that which was mine, which freed me of the anxiety my responsible nature created; Bill was happy to take care of himself. It was a win/win situation. 

I look forward to the next opportunity to shift this old energy pattern. I have no doubt it will be shown again and again until I can bypass the anxiety and get right to the truth. Bring it on.

P.S. The stuffing was the most delicious part of the meal. 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gretings and good wishes for the new year!
And thank you for this article. You have expressed exactly what I needed to hear and tell myself:) Quite an 'ah ha' moment too to recognize that.
An immense load off and no need to feel guilty too!
Also humbling to understand that 'happiness is an inside job and cannot be found outside of ourselves!!
Looking forward to read your posts.

Linda Wojcik, Nutritional Kinesiologist, Spiritual Intuitive said...

Thank you for taking the time to comment. The truth really does set us free. Isn't it funny how we have been taught to avoid it! I am choosing to speak it instead.. hopefully with a little grace!