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Just how much attention does one really need?

Lucy was often upset when her boss was ignoring her. She felt he should check in with her daily. What if she had questions or problems? She realized she was more upset at work than she was happy; and she blamed her boss for her unhappiness. According to Lucy, it was all his fault. Or was it?

My question to Lucy was, “what do you need from him?”  The truth was, she needed attention. I thought it possible that Lucy’s boss trusted her competence and judgments, and he did not feel the need to be checking in on her all the time. Lucy could have felt honored with such trust; instead, she felt angry. Her blame cells took control each time she felt ignored.

As Lucy worked through her layers, she was finally able to accept that her boss simply trusted her. She eventually learned to let go and enjoy her freedom at work. This transition took many, many layers to achieve. It was time well spent.

I then watched as Lucy’s healing took another turn. Her detachment from needing attention from her boss rolled over to her relationship with her sister. In reality, Lucy and her sister had a tumultuous relationship for many years. As long as Lucy was focused on her boss, she had no need to focus on her sister. As Lucy changed, so did her needs; the relationship with her sister took a front row seat.

Everything Lucy’s sister did or said aggravated her to the point that she did not even want to spend time with her. It was too traumatizing. As we dug into their past, Lucy realized she was jealous of her sister’s freedom in life. She felt ignored and stuck most of the time, and she admitted that she “needed” more from the relationship than her sister was capable of giving her.

It was time for Lucy to figure out why she needed all this attention from others. What was she not giving to herself? Lucy knew it was time to take care of her own needs. Could she do it? First, she had to figure out what her needs were and where all this “needy” energy began.

In high school, Lucy’s dream was to go to college. Her father had different plans. Lucy’s dream was put on the back burner and she pursued a career as a secretary, as her father mandated. That was the major glitch in Lucy’s past that began the process of needing confirmation from others.  It followed her throughout life.

After many years and many layers, Lucy was beginning to feel excitement.  For the first time she could remember, she did not feel a need from her sister. She was beginning to have healthy conversations with her sister and she was enjoying their time together.

She admitted to me that a major shift occurred after a phone call with her sister whereby, upon hanging up the phone, Lucy watched herself become obsessive over a comment her sister innocently shared. This one comment became a huge trauma in her head. She watched herself dance over it, around it and under it. After two days of constant obsessive thoughts, she finally had enough with herself. This was her ah-ha moment. Lucy finally admitted to herself that her issues were not about her sister at all. It was time to stop blaming her sister for her behaviors. This is the moment the cellular level shifts from blame to acceptance.

Through acceptance, Lucy finally admitted out loud how ridiculous her obsessions had become. She was ready to face her pain. It was she that was making a mountain out of a molehill, and she wanted to be done with it. She recognized it, honored it and finally spoke it to herself. It is in this moment, the cells have an opportunity to change.

Thanksgiving came and Lucy spent the day with her sister. She was happy to report that they had a great time together. There was nothing left to fight about. The truth was, Lucy loves her sister; it was time to act in love and leave the pain of her past behind.  And that is exactly what she did!

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