Healing the Core of Me

Are we ever done healing? Probably not. However, we can come to a place in our lives when we realize we are becoming content with our "self". We recognize this moment because we notice that we are becoming more and more content with our lives, our choices, our experiences. We are learning to allow each moment to be exactly what it is and nothing more. This is a very powerful place; one I hope you have the opportunity to come to know.

My journey to this special place of contentment took me through many cycles and changes. There were many times during my healing layers that were painful, having to let go of old beliefs that no longer suited me so I could move on to be the me of today instead of the me of yesterday. Today is a new lifetime, one that I can create using the knowledge of my past to help guide me gently and peacefully in my present.

Most recently, a huge core layer was revealing itself to me. I could feel it coming and I tried to prepare myself for the release. Eventually, I learned that the only thing I really needed to prepare myself for anything was to learn how to let go.

Let me see if I can explain. I am a Beech contract personality, which means I learn through my 5th chakra or throat. So when I resist change or movement, the energy of my imbalance will reveal itself somewhere in this area. For months, my Beech "point" (which is located near the back of my neck) has been giving me signals or warnings. At the same time, I was ending a 4-week Beech layer, very old and very deep.

What is a Beech layer? It is me digging a little deeper into my old memory cells that are stuck deep inside to help transform them into the best of me. Each of my Beech layers has taught me a little more about allowing without judgement or control. When I become stuck between my knowledge of allowing and my pattern of controlling, I know that it is time to heal another piece of me. The two do not work well together. One of them has to give!

As resistant beings, it is not easy for us to learn to let go and let be. Change is often difficult because we resist it. I have the same fears as anyone, "who will I be without my control?" The intensity of this layer assured me that it was huge. Once begun, however, I could not go back; I had to move it forward. I knew if I could get through the pain of this layer, another aspect of my true being would reveal itself. I would be able to see more clearly, feel more clearly and love more deeply by allowing me to be me.

In order to get to this place of being me, I had to get beyond the old me that was standing in the way like a soldier guarding a post. That meant moving through years of anger, hate and resentments, mostly directed at myself. I had done a lot of healing up until this point forgiving people and circumstances from my past. Now it was my turn; and it looked like it may not be pretty.

To complicate matters, I am on this island that does not have all the tools and herbal medicines I would normally be able to get to help me through such an intense moment. My physical body was responding to the emotional blockages I had created. It too needed my attention as these two bodies are interconnected to one another.

As my emotional body was moving the energy of my past, my physical body was calling for help. This anger energy became stuck in my mucus membranes to the right of my cheekbone and settled itself in my lymph nodes. There it sat with no place to go for days causing excruciating pain. The pain was so draining I could do nothing but sleep for days and nights on end.

By day four, I knew that my inability to get my hands on herbal medicines hampered my efforts to heal. I did what anyone would do at this point, I had to find the herbal medicine woman on island. Where to begin? Eventually, I was directed to a woman called Clover Lea. After a short conversation, Clover and I became friends; and I found the strength and determination to make a shift. This is the advice Clover shared with me.

Use a hot damp cloth on the affected area to help get it move. I filled the bathtub with steaming hot water and sat myself in it holding the cloth over the affected areas on my face and neck.

Use warm water and lots of salt and snort it up through your nasal cavity. Do I have to? It does not sound like fun at all. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I did it and Ii worked. The first snort was awful, yet I knew it was working. I waited 20 minutes and did it again!

Mix pure water, fresh lemon juice, pure maple syrup and cayenne pepper and drank as much as you can. I loved it! I could feel it cleansing my system.

Gently massage the tender areas of your face and neck with small, gentle counter-clockwise movements to help the lymph nodes drain. It worked so gently and easily...

Within 2 hours, I was beginning to feel human again. I was able to eat and smile and hold a conversation without having to hold my face at the same time.

When we are this ill and in this much pain, we cannot think for ourselves. A healer needs a healer. I did not have the tools I would normally use in this type of situation, so I felt stuck; my body responded through the messages I was giving it. I could be nothing but stuck!

It took time, but I eventually realized that something had to shift; something had to change. Oh.. that would be me! I had to shift my thought patterns and allow myself to open up to new thoughts and ideas. I had to allow myself to be helped and nurtured. Thank you Clover Lea...