Moving Guilt Out of the Way

Do you sometimes hear a voice in your head that says, “You can’t do that; you HAVE to do this!”  As powerful as that voice is, is it the truth? 

Healing is a journey back to the truth; and the truth is: “We don’t HAVE to do anything; we are choosing every step we take.” Truth is the doorway to loving our choices, and love stimulates our ability to heal. So what keeps us from going where we really want to go? Guilt. 

Guilt is attached to the energy of “I have to.” Guilt is immobilizing. However, if we recognize these voices as an opportunity to detach from guilt, we may be able to free ourselves by moving guilt out of the way. 

Our lives are full of opportunities to heal. These moments allow us to take that spiritual leap we’ve been asking for. I recently had one of those “ah-ha” moments; and although it may seem insignificant on its face value, it was actually a major shift in my own reality. This is my story:

On the final week of our 3-week Italian adventure, we headed south to warmer weather. We ended up in a little village called Talamone on the Mediterranean coast. When we were making this decision, I felt compelled to choose this area. I had no idea why. I knew nothing about it.

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I LOVE the ocean. However, the moment we arrived in Talamone, I felt an uncertainty about my choice. There was a feeling that haunted my joy. Had I made a wrong decision? 

Healing teaches us there are no wrong decisions; there are only experiences with which to learn and grow. I was about to have a powerful learning experience. Of course, I did not recognize it in that very moment. To get to the healing part, I first had to feel and express the energy of: “I am not happy.”

Bill wondered how I could say such a thing. “We haven’t had time to experience the area. How can you know you’re not happy?” There was this eery feeling to the area that I could not explain. 

It did not take long to realize that the area around Talamone was seasonal. Most of the shops and restaurants closed in October. The energy resembled a ghost town. I now understood my eerie feeling. I missed the bustling energy of the hillside villages.

Bill suggested that we go to the beach in the morning and see if my feelings changed. I agreed. Our beach day was fun. It was warm enough to walk barefoot in the sand and sea. We searched for sea shells along the shore. It was a very good day. Still, my uneasiness persisted.

Talamone was an hours ride west to the little hillside village of Pitigliano. My heart was already there. “I want to go to Pitigliano tomorrow.” Bill was happy to oblige my request. We were up and ready early the next morning. The moment we arrived, I felt home. My spirit wanted more; yet, my programming was stuck in the “I HAVE to” mode. The voice in my head constantly reminded me that our apartment in Talamone was paid for and what you pay for you HAVE to use. Wasting money is not an option. 

I was quite aware of my old way of thinking. I was shown glimpses of it prior to our trip, and here it was front and center. What I chose to do with it would determine my ability to heal this ancient belief or continue my old patterns.

After a wonderful day in Pitgliano, we headed back to Talamone. Again, I felt this pang of despair. “I want to stay in Pitigliano.” I could not help but speak my truth in spite of the guilt attached to it. 

Bill had another suggestion: “Let’s rent a room in Pitigliano for a night.” My mind was confused. Can we do that?

By now, the voice in my head was screaming : ”You already paid for the apartment you have. You can’t book another room. That’s wasting money.” Whose voice did that belong to? Wherever it came from originally, it now belonged to me. It was time to own it as mine so I could begin to change it. Could I allow myself a night in Pitigliano guilt free?

At that moment, I realized this experience was perfectly designed for my next step in healing. It was time to shift that old paradigm into, “I am free to do what makes me happy now.” I bypassed the guilt and booked a hotel in Pitigliano.

Friday morning, we packed a small bag and began our vacation within our vacation. I felt free and content. I knew I was given this experience as an opportunity to allow myself to heal old guilt. I immediately realized I was loving this new choice. Changing my mind was an important step to healing myself.

We never know why we are presented with an experience until we allow ourself to go through it. What I do know is that each experience is an opportunity to take us a little closer to who we really are.. free beings choosing what makes us happy in life. It is my life after all! :)