Is being loved different from feeling love? I am learning to heal my own heart, and through this experience, I came to the understanding that being loved and feeling love are two very different situations.
As I healed my inner child, I remembered that my dad was rarely home. I barely knew who he was. And yet I understood that it was Dad that provided the resources for our home, food and clothing. I knew I was being loved by his actions to provide us with the things that made us feel secure as a family. But is feeling secure the same as feeling love?
Dad was also the disciplinarian. So when he was home, he was often judging or criticizing us for who he thought we should be. I was taught by my dad that being loved was attached to judgments and criticisms. Hence, I used this same pattern with my own children. I used judgment and criticism to replace love. I have since learned and understand that judgment and criticisms are not of the same essence as love. Judgment and criticisms are anger; and anger is not love.
My mom on the other hand, was a gentle, nurturing person. She did not work when we were younger, choosing instead to stay home and take care of her 5 children. Being loved by Mom was cooking dinner and serving after school snacks. Because my dad was rarely home, her time was consumed in assuring there was food on the table and clean clothes to wear. There was little time for anything else. Mom took care of us to show her love, but were we feeling love?
Being loved is an action. It is something you can put your finger on and say, Mom did this or dad did that. Feeling love is an energy. It is the true essence of who we are. There is nothing attached to it. Love just is.
How can we feel love? In order to feel love, the heart must be opened to receive. At some point in our lives, most of us have chosen to shut our heart for fear of being hurt or because we no longer trust outwardly. We use pain and torment to replace the feeling of love. Why would we do that? Because we are feeling beings, and feeling pain and torment is better than feeling nothing at all.
Closing our hearts is a form of protection. What are we protecting ourselves from? We are protecting our "self" from the negative aspect of our self.
Our bodies are storage tanks for our emotions; and in the moment we choose fear over love, our energy becomes encased in negativity from learned behaviors. This fear, dependent upon our experiences, can be transformed into anger, guilt, intolerance, anxiety, etc. Now this energy must be stored waiting for us to make a different choice; the choice to feel love. As long as we choose to attach to the negative aspect of our “self, we will attract negativity into our lives. Hence, close the heart to protect the "self" from what we attract.
Let me see if I can explain it in a simpler way:
I know when a person is angry. They don’t have to say or do anything. I can feel their anger. It is emitted outwardly as energy and I am accountable for attracting it to me. Why am I accountable? I am accountable to the same energy that I see in that person. That person becomes my mirror; what I see in them, I am being asked to change in me.
This person directs this energy towards me because “like attracts like”. When someone decides to express their anger (so they don’t self destruct), the heart opens to release it outwardly. It is energy in the form of anger being expressed through the heart, and they have attracted a person who stores this same energy within themselves to express their anger to.
Why is anger expressed through the heart? Because anger is an emotion and all emotion is expressed through the heart. The heart is our emotional chakra. Anger is not stored in the heart; it is expressed through the heart.
Why do we choose to express anger? It is in that moment of anger expressed that a person is energetically asking for help. And they have picked you to help them. It’s a game and, “tag, you’re it!” Why you? Because you store the same anger within yourself, so you now have a greater understanding of that person’s feelings and needs.
We have been taught through experiences that when someone shows anger towards us, we reciprocate with anger. This mentality will never create peace for anyone. However, it is in this moment of recognizing their anger that we have the ability to choose differently. We can make a different choice! Instead of being angry back at that person, we can now choose to feel love towards them.
It is that single moment when their heart is opened (even if it is only to emit anger) that we have an opportunity to consciously send love back to them. This is not an easy feat, for as we have all experienced, our anger body wants to play that anger game.
How do we send love back to an angry person? By opening our own heart because it is through the heart that we can express love.
And how do we open our own heart? Through forgiveness. We forgive by the simple words, “I am sorry you are angry.” And in that moment of forgiveness, their heart will heal that anger because they have felt your love. And in that very same moment, you will feel their love in return. There is nothing more beautiful than the moment we learn to share the feeling of love.
How does the heart do this? It is through the act of forgiveness that the heart has the power to transform anger back into love, which is the true essence of each being. Now that person can choose to feel love instead of anger. You have taught them differently. What a gift you have shared.
That moment of forgiveness is who we came to be, forgiving beings. And it is through forgiveness that we can help one another heal. Forgiveness is the doorway to the heart where we can now feel love. And as we feel love, we will attract love. And in no time at all, we will attract everything we love in life.
Experiences are meant to be shared so we can help one another heal along the way...
For more information, contact Linda at: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Linda Wojcik, Nutritional Kinesiologist, Spiritual Intuitive, Flower Practitioner
- Appointments in Danielson and N Stonington CT, and via Skype, FaceTime and telephone - 1/2 hour session $30.00 US.
Being Loved and Feeling Love – Is it the same energy?
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I can see myself sitting across the table from my husband telling him he is angry...now I know that it was me that was angry. I can choose to love me and love him instead of looking for the fight. Beautiful...
Wow, I connected with every work in this article! This is just the right time I needed to hear it too. It's finding the love for myself so that I don't feel anger towards the people I care about the most that's the problem. Great article though!!
How healing. I have forgiven so many people in my life, and now I also need to thank them for helping to facilitate my expression and release of anger and other emotions.
I have been hurt soooo badly, and i am trying too heal myself, but when people continue to hurt you over and over, you decide too walk away, so that you dont have too live the hurt over and over again, I came too the point of forgiveness, and then more hurt poured out, I dont know how too heal myself. I have tryed and tears pour out everytime they call or come around, reliving this is a painful thing, but i know in time, things will get better.
So beautifully written! Thank you!
Looks like I honestly do not know or understand what it is to 'feel love'!! I care, but after reading the article, it seems like 'love' is very different!!!
Will saying those words 'I am sorry ----' or 'Forgive me ----' truly shift/move the energy to Love? Is it really as simple as that! How often would they have to be repeated to observe a shift in the other person and self?
What does one say to remove negative apprehension/fears?
Can you share with your readers some more expressions, please - to move grief, hurts, loss,anxiety,fear, etc.
Thank you for taking the time to write. Healing takes time, energy and patience. It is a good use of all three of these energies. Its what we are here to do... heal myself... learn to love myself. To get to love, we must go through the doorways of understanding, compassion and forgiveness. It is a step in a new and different direction. And at first, it will feel uncomfortable. The more we do it, the more comfortable it becomes. We have become many things in life... we've become angry, fearful, guilty, hateful, disappointed... Why not become loving? Why not become forgiving. All we have to do is practice a new way of being. Why not begin today? Use these words often.. "I love.." "I appreciate..." "I forgive.." See where that energy takes you... Its a fun journey once we get the junk out of the way! :)
Thank you for your reply.Hmm, looks like there's a lot of work to do - and especially to have the patience!!But certainly got to make an earnest start. Hope it becomes a 'fun journey' as you put it. :)
Here is a request - for your guidance - how should we understand and respond to the new president's remarks and actions. What would be the best approach to deal with such an upheaval of a change (apart from suggesting Rescue Remedy and/or Walnut)? How to bring about our acceptance of this reality? With compassion? Is the president deeply hurt and therefore expressing anger and being insensitive? Is he a reflection of what a large population of the USA (and other parts of the world too) is feeling so? How should we reduce our stress to cope with these drastic changes? How do we make ourselves calm,tolerant and resilient in trying times?
Would be grateful for your recommendations.
I appreciate so much you taking the time to write and voice your concerns. This is a powerful question and one that is not easily answered. Let me then try to express my own thoughts and feelings about your concerns.
There are some things that are beyond my control... our new president and his views are beyond my control. This is a test of letting go and letting be. Trusting in the divine flow of the universe. Knowing that my thoughts and reactions will either add to the chaos or help heal the chaos. I choose to help heal.
What can I do to help heal this energy? Remember that I am a being of light and love. Remembering that there is always darkness and there is always light. What do we each individually choose to ignite?
I don't have to agree with everything everyone does or says. At the same time, it is up to me how I respond to each circumstance and the energy I choose to attach to it. Can we challenge without hating? Can I express myself truthfully without having to be angry about everything? If I am angry about everything, am I being reasonable? If I cannot be reasonable, why would I expect anyone else to be?
I reduce my stress to these situations by remembering how blessed I am.. by focussing on my present situation.,, by speaking out truthfully when I feel/see an injustice.
Can we see the good behind what we perceive as bad? Is there divinity playing out here and we just don't understand it yet? And yes, sometimes we have to lose something before we appreciate its value. All of this remains to be seen/experienced. I can continue to light the way to the truth, or I can head into the darkness with everyone else. Its not easy to be the cheese that stands alone; yet it is powerful.
I ask myself every day.. "what can I love today.." and then I choose love. The more of us that choose love, the more we can help light the way.
Thank you very much for your well thought and valuable reply. Appreciate the time you have taken to share your knowledge and wisdom on dealing with these concerns. Time for deep introspection!Change is the only constant.This too shall pass.
thank you for your reply to a reader's query.
It resonates well with what an Indian guru recommends for understanding life.
Notice, 'that evolution, growth and progress can happen only when there is a challenge to the present conditions'. (as mentioned by Akshara Swami)
He also says one who ' does not inject himself with frustration and bitterness, but remains at ease with himself, busy sorting out the puzzle of life' is truly a spiritual person.
An attitude of gratitude is also required.
Your blog posts are wonderful! Thank you for them.
You are very welcome...
hi! after reading the article and readers' comments and your replies to them, i'm a bit curious as well as confused to know how one goes about forgiveness. Does just saying the words 'sorry' directly to the person or if we can say it within ourselves (in our minds/thought) make such a difference? There is strong resistance to forgive but I understand that it must be done. Is there help/ways to overcome that resistance and put it into effect?
I believe saying I am sorry in any form has an impact on the cellular level. The words we think and speak create our cellular response. And isn't it funny how easy it is to be angry/hateful and how difficult it has become to be forgiving. I believe we are upside down and backwards. Its time to right ourselves up! :) I hope this helps.
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